The Desperate Guy

Dear Cathy,

I think I am slowly coping with my new life. Without her. There are still times that I am still longing for her existence. It's all longing. I know I can never see her again. She left me for good. She wants to live a new life. A new life away from me. A new life where she can be secured from her feelings.

I always thought that love can be learned. I was wrong. I tried to love her in a way she wants and probably needs but I really can't. She's just a family for me. I want her to be my sister, my big sister. And I want it to be that way, forever. But she can't. That's why she left. She realized that she can live a tough life with me by her side. Without me, she could easily give up. But what she wanted was a different kind of love. A love with passion and intimacy. But I kept on saying that I can't. I just can't, no matter how I try and no matter how I force myself, if it's desperate enough.

I fell in love with another girl. And then I felt what she felt. I can never be with this girl. This new girl wanted me as a friend. She could have wanted me as a lover but she's committed to another guy. I never realized it'll hurt me so much. I pitty my sister. I treat her that way. I pitty her because I was able to feel how hard it is for her just to feel that way towards me and I can't return back the favor in a way she wants. If I could only program myself to like her how she wanted me to like her. If I can only turn this world upside down, I would. Why not? She has always been there for me and she will always be a part of my life.

She's gone. She to do it but she still did. She can't take it anymore. She can't take the fact that I am in love with someone else. I am in love with a girl but she's hurt that it's not her. A different kind of love is what she needs from me, which I cannot give and I cannot provide. She shows gestures showing her affection but I can't accept it. I try not to talk about it and try to show it through my actions, but it made her feeling hurt more. What could I do, I can't say it for it will hurt me too.

Everything about her is history. Everything will never be the same again.

Love Lots,
DESPERATE GUY