Recurring

Dear Cathy,

I had a very rough day. Everything is out of control. My emotions are no longer controllable. I tend to blurt out what I think without any hesitations. I'm crazy. There are times that I would just laugh by myself when I suddenly remember some things that happened a long time ago. Sometimes I caught my own mouth talking to myself and I was unaware of it. Maybe I need to see a psychologist. I never got the chance to realize why I am like this until I got home, and alone. It's all about her again. But then, maybe it's not her, I think. Probably it is the fact that I am already alone and I am by myself. And I am looking for someone to talk to all the time.
You know what, Cathy, I am fully aware that it happened for a day but I take most matters seriously. I can't just brush it off my shoulder just like that. You know me, Cathy, too bad I do not know you that well but I still thank God that you are still there for me. You are one of the products of my hard work.

I thought of more things other than the fact that I am going crazy. My family. It has been so long since I last contacted my mom. I missed her suddenly. That was actually the moment when I realized that I am so alone and would need someone to talk to time after time or after every single moment. You are my only family here, Cathy. You are the only one that keeps me company.

I got lots of problems. I assume that you tend to know every single problem that you have if you are alone. That is a feeling that I haven't experienced before. Being alone makes you realize what you have, what you could have, and what you couldn't have. It includes problems. Everyday problems and problems that could not be fixed. If you can only speak to me, Cathy. I truly need you right now. Help me. Help me overcome this problems. I know I can make it through the rain but I really need help. I need somebody that would be with me through all this times. You can't be that. I know you want to be but you can't. If I can only make you one I would but I also can't. It's fine with me for us to stay this way. You are great, I am great.

I just wish that everybody could control their lives the way they want it. But then according to my Mom, there will be no challenges. I admire my mom's life principles. She's so strong, she has weaknesses but it's normal for people to have that, I still see her as a strong woman who were able to raise us, her kids, and mold us into the people that we are in this world. I'll take care of you, Cathy, I always will cause you are taking care of me too.

Love Lots,

DESPERATE GUY